i don't even know what to think or do right now. i want to take this whole summer back and pretend like it never happened. how did i let myself get here? i'm better than this. so much better than this. i feel so lost and stuck. i wish there was a quick fix to the pain i feel inside. I know i can feel better in the future but it is going to take sometime to get there. there is a lot of work that needs to be done and a lot of pondering to do. I need to understand who i am and why i am the way that i am, why i believe what i believe, and how i am always going to remain this way. i am a daughter of God and should be treated as such. I shouldn't let anyone shame me or treat me any other way than amazing no matter how much i think i like them. my testimony needs to be stronger. the church needs to become my number one priority. i need to be better.