Jr. High

I was thinking back today about Junior High and I randomly remembered a certain boy. He was different from everyone else. He wasn't what you would call "normal" in Junior High standards. I'm sure he got made fun of for being who he was and wearing what he wore. I am sure the kids at my school didn't make it easy for him. Then again Junior High isn't easy for anyone...

Although it must have been hard on some days for him I never remember seeing him shut down, close off, or change who he was. He was who he was and he owned it. He didn't let anyone else tell him how he should act or what he should wear. He was a happy, nice, and fun kid who had confidence in himself. I admire that so much. At the time I was too naive and wrapped up in being cool to realize this, but today I gave it some serious thought. 

Thank you boy from Junior High for being a shining example for me today of how to be yourself and not let it tear you down just because others may not agree with it!

My World :)

I am happy!

And not just a "today was a good day" happy, 

but more like "I am living the life I have always dreamed of" happy.

It is perfect!

Yes there are hard time, low times, cry times, stressful times.

But I am still happy!! :)

I have one very awesome best friend that helps me through it all.

Today he said to me, "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

Truthfully......

It is me that wouldn't know what to do without him.

He has helped me to grow up, face my fears, and live to enjoy life. 

What else could be better?

I also have more to live for now. 

There is nothing like being responsible for the smile on that cute boy's face! 

Life is a dream come true and I am a happy happy girl!

16 Days

I've decided to go off my anxiety medication. It has been 16 days since I last took my medication.

It has been a ROLLER COASTER.

At first my anxiety was held under wraps and it was just my body going through withdrawls from the medication itself. That wasn't really that fun. 

I was dizzy, had "brain zaps", and couldn't sleep that well. 

Every now and then I would have brief moments of anxiety and freak out for a minute. 

I was able to get it under control. Now my body is getting more used to being without the drug 

so the withdrawls are not as bad as before. I still get dizzy at times and sleeping through the night has still been difficult. My mind is constantly going and going. I've been trying to do what I can to redirect my mind onto other things.

The thing that is most shocking my system is raw emotion. I didn't remember what that feels like and I am having a hard time keeping it under control. 

I'll cry at the drop of a hat. One day a I woke up crying, cried at noon, and cried again when I went to bed. 

so...... I have done a lot of crying. This is what I was like just prior to going on the medication. That scares me a little bit, but I have been taught techniques to stop by irrational thinking so I know that I can handle this. 

One tool that I have now that I didn't have before was my husband.

I have never met someone so patient and loving.
When I have my anxious moments he just holds me, listens to me, and tells me it is going to be ok.

He helps me to realize what I need to do to help myself overcome this anxiety 

and how to be a better person.

He is such a fabulous example to me of happiness and forgiveness. He is able to let go and move on when handed a difficult situation. He thinks rationally and helps me to see other sides of the story. 

I am so grateful to have him in my life. He teaches me something new everyday. 

He encourages me to be better and works with me on my goals. 

He constantly reminds me that the gospel is in my life and the Heavenly Father is there to guide me and help me through whatever I am going through. Whenever I say, "I just don't know what to do anymore", J always says, "Well you could pray about it." And I know that I can but sometimes I forget and J always brings me back down. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Long story short... I've been off my meds for 16 days. 

Yes it is hard, but I am doing well considering that I haven't feel like this in 4 and 1/2 years.

I have learned so much in this process and I will continue to learn as it carries throughout my life.

I am so thankful I have the Lord on my side. He is always there to give me the push that I need.

I couldn't do this without him. Or J for that matter. 

Life Is Wonderful!

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking and I came across a few things:

1. My little sister - T - is one of the most loving people I know. I have never met someone who forgives more than she does. She hasn't always had the easiest time in life and has a hard time with friends, but she accepts people for who they are, loves them, and forgives them when they hurt her. She is always there for them and is so loyal. She is such an example to me of this Christ-like behavior. I haven't always treated her the way she deserves, but as I have grown older I have been able to see T for who she really is. She genuinely loves people, helping, being a friend, and having fun. Another think I admire about her is that she has no inhibitions. She loves herself and accepts the way she is. Not many people can say that about themselves. My little sister is one of a kind and I am so grateful I get to be her big sister and to watch her as she succeeds in her life! She is going to do great things!

2. I'm really baby hungry. It probably doesn't help that all of the women/families in the neighborhood are pregnant, just had babies, or already have kids. They are so cute and so fun. I know that J and I just got married and I still want to spend time with him to get to know him more. We are only 22 for heaven's sake! But I do know that we will have babies soon-ish. I graduate in a year and then we'll see what happens from there. Of course it is all in the Lord's hands. He is in charge and He will tell us what He wants us to do. But just as a little preview for you all! This is my husband as a baby:

and this is me as a baby:

I know.....

We are going to have cute children! No wonder I am so excited right? When the time is right it will happen and I know that. I'm excited to be a mom, but I am more excited to see J be a dad! He is so good with kids already. All the kids at church are drawn to him and he is so fun. Watching him be a daddy will be a wonderful thing!

3. I love my family. And I am not just talking about J and I. I am talking about my immediate family - the one I grew up in and the one I married into. Since I've been married I have realized the importance and permanence of the family unit. There is something special about family and the support system that they are. I am so blessed to have a wonderful family on both sides! My family is just starting to grow bigger as we are growing up and getting married, but J's family is already grown and is only getting bigger. J is the baby and so  I was the last spouse to come into the family and so now babies will be the only new additions. It is fantastic and I love it! How lucky am I that no matter what I will always have family to support me. 

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 I am a blessed girl and I am so happy! I am so glad I married J. He is my best friend and someone I rely on dearly. He is with me through thick and thin. He is wonderful. I love him more than anything - more than I know how to explain.