Day Three

My First Love

I'm going to go two ways with this one. The boy that I first liked when I was a wee child and then the first boy I ever fell in love with. 

So..... The first boy I ever liked who I commonly refer to as my first love is named Nate. He was my brother's best friend all growing up. I was best friends with his younger brother, we were in the same ward, went to the same school, and all that good stuff so I saw a lot of him. I swear I was like 3 when I started liking him and I liked him all my life I swear. Up until Junior High he was my main man. The one I liked. Eventually he went to high school and my eyes were opened up to a whole new group of boys and so my love for Nate dwindled. Thankfully.

He is married now. So being in love with him would be awkward. He is a super great guy and I don't feel like that for him at all anymore. Just an old friend. But my years spent loving Nate were some great ones!

The next boy is Ben.

It was my first year of college and I met him because he was in my ward and in my activities group. So we saw a lot of each other. We watched movies and went out and did random stuff. We had tons of fun together. One night we were sitting in my car talking and he looked at me and told me that he had fallen in love with me. I was shocked and dismayed thinking that someone was in love with ME  how on earth did I manage that?? But at the same time I realized that I loved him too. I would do anything for this boy and I wasn't sure what I'd do if I ever lost him.

Well.... our relationship ended a few weeks after that due to circumstances I couldn't control. A lot of things happened with him before we met and he had to get some things figured out and as much as I wanted to be by his side to help him and pull him through he had to figure it out on his own. 

I still see him around from time to time and I still really care about him. 

He was the first boy I fell in love with and i think I'll always care about him.

I haven't fallen in love since then. I haven't had a relationship long enough to have it happen. I did have some people that I really liked but I wouldn't say it was love. One day.

Day Two

Nicknames

-Kimmee

-Kinny

-Lil' Kim

-Kimba

-Kimbo

-Kimber

-Annanakinnay

-Kinnay

-Kim

-Kimford

-Kimothy

-Kimmers

-Stoobin

-Two Cents

-Cookie
-Sis

That's all I can think of right now... hahah

Day One

Introduce myself, a recent picture of me, and 15 interesting facts about me!

My name is Kimmee and I don't have any recent pictures of just me so here is one from a camping trip I went on at the beginning of the month. There are other ones that are more recent. But they are slightly strange to post for something like this.

15 interesting facts about me:

1. I used to hate my name and I wanted to change it really bad, but I LOVE IT now! I wouldn't want to change it for anything 

2. I bite my nails

3. I lived in Houston once upon a time

4. I hate it when people leave. I hate goodbyes and I hate being left behind. I know that has a lot of hates in it and that isn't a word that i generally use but that is how i feel. I don't like being sad

4. I sometimes think I wasted a lot of my childhood worrying about things that I shouldn't have

5. I love the color green

6. I love my dog so much. I miss her when I am not at home

7. I can't wait to be a mom and have my own little family. I love taking care of people and helping them. Alas  I will wait though until the appropriate time of course

8. I don't have any athletic competitive drive

9. I just bought a new car

10. I live through music. It literally molds me

11. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

12. If  I could live anywhere on the Earth I would choose Seattle. At least for a little while

13. I really want to make the world a better place.

14. I'm a nerd. I love school

15. I love being treated like a girl. When gentlemen respect me just because I am a woman. Now those are men worth  my time

30 day blog challenge!!

So I want to do another blog challenge. I really like them and I think that they make you think a little bit about what you want to post! SO.... Here we go! Another 30 day blog challenge!

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts.
Day 2: Nicknames.
Day 3: Your first love.
Day 4: Your parents.
Day 5: What song inspires you.
Day 6: Pet peeves.
Day 7: What makes you happy.
Day 8: A place you’ve traveled to and where else you want to travel.
Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend.
Day 10: Something you’re afraid of.
Day 11: A quote you love.
Day 12: Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 13: Goals.
Day 14: A picture of you last year – how have you changed?
Day 15: Death row meal.
Day 16: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it.
Day 17: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs.
Day 18: Something you miss.
Day 19: Things you want to say to an ex.
Day 20: Something you wonder “What if…?” about.
Day 21: Something you’re proud of.
Day 22: What do you want your future to be like?
Day 23: Favorite Movies and TV Show.
Day 24: Something you’ve learned.
Day 25: Something you are looking forward to.
Day 26: Your Dream Wedding.
Day 27: Photo of your city .
Day 28: What stresses you out?
Day 29: Who is you hero?
Day 30: A picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge.

My mind is racing so fast. You get what you want and when you have it, it still isn't enough. You wish it would be different or better or something else. Why can't we just be happy with what we are given and stop wishing for more? Roll with the punches and let life just lead the way it wants to? I just want to be in charge of everything and know what is going to happen and when it will happen. When unexpected things come may way it throws me into a dither. Clearly I have forgotten that I have the best person watching out for me. My Heavenly Father knows what I am capable of and what is best for me. He will lead me to the right people at the right time. No sense in worrying when He is in control. I can't forget. Constant reminders. I love my Father in Heaven. And I know that because He loves me He won't let me down. Never.

"One is an unattainable number!" - B.Layt

"When It rains it pours in this town!" 

Things never go as planned. So just take that plan you had for yourself and just throw it out the window!!!!

And All This Wondering....

- I wonder if he knows how I feel about him and if he does, does it scare him?

- I wonder if I'll ever find a friend like N again... There was something about the two of us that just worked together perfectly.

- I wonder if I'll be able to write a revolutionary song one day

- I wonder why a smile can change a day

- I wonder why Grayson won't just tell Jane that he likes her....

- I wonder what B will be like when his body is healed and no longer disconnected all over the place

- I wonder if someone will love me the way I've always wanted to be loved

- I wonder that if I had a reality TV show about my life if i would really make a million dollars like i always joke about

- i wonder if i will always be dependent on medication to curb my anxiety

- i wonder if i have already met "the one"

- i wonder if M thinks about our old life and laughs at all the funny things we did together and all the petty fights we had and sleepovers watching clueless and making movies and ballerina cafe and that thing you do and remember the titans and love. 

- i wonder if M knows how much i look up to her and how she loves everyone unconditionally and gives everyone a shot. It is truly a blessing.

- i wonder if J and H will get married. I would like that alot!

- i wonder who inspired the song something that i already know by the backstreet boys

- i wonder if i'll ever feel like i am physically fit and not fat

- i wonder if my expectations in my mind will ever be met

- i wonder when my hunger for some food that is beyond delicious will be quenched.

- i wonder if A is the type of friend that will leave me behind when he gets married.

- i wonder if B knows that i love her so much and that I couldn't have survived this year without her. She is my best friend and i look up to the way she loves to have fun, her testimony, her kindness, her ability to remain stoic to avoid drama, her athleticism. She has blessed me in so many ways.

- I wonder who actually reads this blog

- I wonder how long it will take to fall in love for reals

- I wonder if T hates me

- I wonder if J and J will be mad when they find out about each other.....

My How The Tables Have Turned......

I came into tonight thinking one thing....

and i was proven WAY wrong.

Don't you love how life never leads you the way you think it will??

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Now I have to do my part and just roll with it and not freak out!

I Should Have Known

You led me with your subtle charm, your promises, your camouflage

You took complete advantage of my blind faith

You touched me and said it's forever

I shattered and you looked the other way

Never should have let you in

Never should have let you know

The dream you held over me took all control

Wish I had the strength to leave and I wish I had the will to go

But somehow I still believed and took that road

I should have known...

And I followed wherever you would lead

I swallowed whatever lies you'd feed

Don't know just how this cloud came over me

Next To Me....

Listen up destiny
I know you want to get pressed to me
So don't be such a stone
When I call you on the phone
Or I won't be using that number again

Maybe what you had was broke
You want to get high and they don't
So I had a drink
'Cause it helped me think
Now you say I've been drinking too much

But my hands start shaking
And my heart starts quaking
Like a nightmare naked in school
And I want to tell you

Wait a minute sister
I know I ain't your mister yet
Just give me a chance and see
But you won't even get next to me

What you want to do now
You're gonna have to give somehow
And I've got that thing you need
But you won't even get next to me

Once I get you in my grip
Follow my eyes to your hips
Don't you pull away
You've done it every day
Just stay
Why don't you stay
Why don't you stay baby
Put away your old disguise
You don't want no other guys
We're having so much fun
I know you shouldn't run
But you run, you just run
You just run baby

Me here
Heart in hand
Offering
What I can
Patience
Running thin
Come on girl
Let me in

Wait a minute sister
I know I ain't your mister yet
Just give me a chance and see
But you won't even get next to me

What you want to do now
You're gonna have to give somehow
And I've got that thing you need
But you won't even get next to me 

GAH!!!

I'm soooooooo Confused.

"my head and my heart are colliding chaotic."

God Sends His Angels

Yesterday was a hard day for me. 

I felt like I wasn't being listened to.

I felt stupid.

I tried to turn to someone who I thought would always be there and I was shut down. They were busy with something else. 

So I carried on facing this bad day on my own.

I was doing alright until the straw that broke the camel's back was placed squarely on my shoulders. 

I snapped. 

Luckily for me I thought of who I needed to turn to.

He is always there for me when I need him.

He gives up his time for me.

He seems to know when I need to talk or when I need a hug.
He knows me so well. He's known me since I started college.
We've "grown up" together in a sense.

He is my best friend.

I love him dearly.

He will always have a special place in my heart.

Yesterday was hard for me and I know that the Lord couldn't be physically there with me to give me the healing that I desired, so he sent someone else to my aid.

He healed me.

I'm so blessed and lucky to have the people that i do surrounding me. I know that the Lord loves me. I'm so grateful for guardian angels. 

Thanks. 

You saved me once again.

I think about you in the summertime...

I honestly am having a fantastic summer.

I can prove it.

If this doesn't look fun then I don't know what to tell you.