Monday, October 28, 2013

ANXIETY

Yesterday was bad. 
I cried for most of the day.
We made it to church, but I had to leave early.
Social anxiety hit me hard yesterday.
I didn't want to talk to anyone. 
All I wanted to do was sit in my bed and cry.
My parents are going out of town for two weeks.
I always cry when they leave.
I start to worry they are going to die. 
Then I think about all the things that would happen if they died,
 and what would happen to me...
 and my brother...
 and my family.
It overwhelms me. 
J kept saying to take it one step at a time.
He's right.
I was so angry with him at the time because to me he didn't understand.
He doesn't know what it is like to be in my brain.
I can hardly explain it myself.
He is so patient with me and loving and kind and I repay him with anger.
When I am in the moment that is all I can think about.
I feel so bad.
We went to a friend's house, one I've been to a bunch of times.
I couldn't get out of the car. 
I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.
It was nothing personal... my brain just couldn't handle it.
I tried to get out of the car 3 times and couldn't.
We sat there for 20 minutes.
All the while, J being as patient and loving as can be, 
ready to turn around and go home to do what is best for me.
In the end I put on my brave face and went in.
I ended up having a good time.
I felt better.

I love J.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Boo....

This is not a Halloween Boo, 
this is a "Boo to homework".
I am starting to actually write my thesis now and it is rough stuff. 
Just trying to start is what gets me. 
Ergo... I don't do anything.
My professor keeps saying, "You can't revise a blank paper"
Which is WAY true.
But I can't get past the blank page. 
I know I just need to start. 
The sooner I start the sooner I am done.
also....
If I start on this now I won't have to work on it over Thanksgiving Break. 
That would be lovely.
I guess I'll work on it tomorrow....
hahah.
But really, I will.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Joyful Music!

Check out this fun song and awesome video! 
My new song obsession...



Thursday, October 10, 2013

J

Today's post is dedicated to my fantastic husband. 
I love him more than I know how to explain. 
He is perfect for me. 


J and I have so much fun together.
We love to chat about anything and everything.
One of my favorite conversations we had most recently was analyzing the "50 states, 50 sandwiches" and why we thought the sandwich was right or wrong for the state. (Like we even have a clue!)
We love to watch food network or other cooking shows so we think we are food critics.
Basically we are nerds that think we are awesome, and we love to laugh! 
Sometimes J will say something that makes me laugh so hard I start to cry.
I can't stop laughing for a while and then J will start to laugh. 
We love to watch shows together and talk about them.
Like I said before, we love to chat. 
When we spend time together we just like to chill and talk.
We just love each other, so when we get to spend time together (and aren't doing homework) we just like to relax and chat. 


Boy is he handsome!
Everyone always tells me "Oh! your husbands blue eyes! Don't you just want to dive into them?"
To be honest, it wasn't his eyes that first caught my attention.
Don't get me wrong! he does have beautiful, big, blue eyes, but it was his smile that first got me!
When he smiles I melt inside. 
His whole face lights up and the smile takes over.
Genuine happiness.
Lucky for me, he smiles a lot! Which means....
My insides do a whole lot of melting!
I love the way J does his hair and what kind of clothes he wears.
He has these blue, orange, and white basketball shorts that make him look so good!
I can hardly stand it!
Not to mention!!! I love the way he smells. 
Truthfully... I was in the middle of a sentence and caught a whiff of his delicious scent and it made me forget what I was saying. 
I know, I am silly, but he smells divine!


I love that J is easy going. I knew that I needed that in a man because I prefer to run the show.
J and I work perfectly together. 
J usually lets me choose what we are going to do - which I really like, but if J has an opinion he voices it and lets me know what he thinks - which I also like.
We are a perfect team.
Although J lets me decide most things we are always unanimous.
We like to work together and agree upon everything.
When we have kids we want to be sure that we work together and make decisions,
 even simple decisions, together. 
We don't want our kids to ask mom one question because they know dad won't say yes. It happens all the time, but we want our children to know we are united.
Now.... We don't have kids yet, so we will see what really happens!
I can't wait to see J be a daddy.
He is so adorable with kids, and kids love him to pieces.
It will be so much fun to watch him be a dad. 


J honors his priesthood.
He has taught me so much about the gospel of Jesus Christ 
and has helped me to grow so much in this past year.
J is such a great example to me of Faith. His testimony never waivers. 
His strength gives me strength.
I know God saved J for me, and He knew that J was the man I needed to help me get through life. 
He trusts in his relationship with the Lord and lives by it everyday.
--------------
Loving you J is easy. 
I can't imagine my life without you in it.
Thank you for dreaming big, chasing your dreams and teaching me that it is okay to do the same.
Thank you for calming my mind and keeping me on track.
Thank you for loving me with all your heart.
You have changed me for the better.
Thank you for taking care of me and providing for us. 
I never worry about us because I know you will do whatever it takes.
You are the most amazing man. 
My heart swells thinking about you and my whole body is happy.
You are wonderful! 
I love you J!!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

It's A Beautiful Life!

Things have been so happy and lovely lately.
The weather is beautiful and school is great!
I now have more time to spend with my husband. 
OH how I love him!
I don't have much to say but I just wanted to post a few pictures from our recent events. 


J's birthday!!! 23! 


Hanging with his buds from Chile!


Playing with adorable puppies!


And this is to remind us all of how handsome my husband is! 
I'm a lucky girl!