My Head And My Heart Are Colliding Chaotic

So...

I've run into a slight problem. I really like this one boy

and he happens to be one of my closest friends.

Yeah.

I can't say anything to him but I really want to.

Instead I just sit there smiling and being happy for him

when he tells me all about this new girl he is excited to take out.

I truly am happy for him.

But it's breaking my heart.

Unrequited....

That should be me holding your hand

That should be me making you laugh

This is so wrong I can't go on until you believe

That, that should be me

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I ain't a princess

This ain't a fairy tale

I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,

lead her up the stairwell

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I know this isn't enough

I still don't measure up

I do want you to you know I hold you up above everyone

and I do want you to know that I think you'd be good to me.

And I'd be so good to you.

I would.

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All I really wanna do is love you

A kind much closer than friends use. 

But I still can't say it after all we've been through

And all I really want from you is to feel me

as the feeling inside keeps building 

and i'll find a way to you if it kills me.

Red Rock Relay

seriously this trip with my friends was so much fun! I loved it.

I am so proud of these boys for all the running that they did.

They didn't give up for a second. 

<3 <3

Theme of today

Quit playing games with my heart....

Check this out!!

Heaven

I don't tell my family enough - especially my parents how much I love them. My dad does so much for me. He takes care of lots of bills, car stuff, and around the house repairs and things that I don't even hear about. Why does he do that? Because he loves me and he wants me to be happy. My mom. Wow. My mom would give everything to see me be successful in life. Not just for me but for every single person in my family. She doesn't judge. She loves and she does it well. I am so grateful to have her as my mother and that I have learned and am still learning how to be a mother from her. I love my family. There are days that I just want to be where they are. And it gets hard because I am here and they are home. BUT I am lucky that I live close so that spur of the moment trips aren't too hard to come by. My brothers are wonderful. I don't think I have met people with as much love. yeah yeah... those of you who know my brothers are probably thinking... WHAT!? But when you think about it you know I am right. They hate seeing other people sad and they love to crack jokes and make you smile. The older one loves to be obnoxious and sometimes it can get a little too far. As soon as he has crossed the line and you get upset he is quick to say he is sorry and to make you smile again. The younger one sees that you are down and he is right there by your side talking you through it and giving you hugs. They are awesome. I have wonderful brothers. And then there is my sister. Now this girl has the biggest heart. She wasn't dealt the easiest hand in life. She has gone through some rough stuff and has come across some mean people. Although they were mean to her and cut her down badly she has given them 3rd, 4th, and 5th tries. She is constantly forgiving and forgetting. The light of Christ shines in her. She has a pure spirit. I know by reading this that I am the one who is blessed to get to be apart of this amazing family and spend all my time with them. I have learned so much from them and I am sure I will continue to learn more. I know we aren't always together or living under the same roof but we still share blood. We have our struggles, but my best memories are with you. I love you guys.

Me

I don't understand myself sometimes

I don't know why I let people treat me the way that they do.  I didn't think I was a pushover.

I don't know why I am so scared of silly things.

I don't know what I am missing and what they have that I don't.

I don't know why life worked out like this.

I don't know why I feel the need to run away when I get upset.

I don't know why I can't say anything to her about why I feel like this.

I don't know what to do.

I didn't know that I was out of control with my thoughts. I thought I was doing well..

I guess sometimes life is hard.
It is a constant battle.

"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,

I guess I'm gonna have to cry,

and let go of some things I've learned to get to the other side.

I guess it's gonna break me down,

like falling when I try to fly.

It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life....

starts with goodbye."