16 Days

I've decided to go off my anxiety medication. It has been 16 days since I last took my medication.

It has been a ROLLER COASTER.

At first my anxiety was held under wraps and it was just my body going through withdrawls from the medication itself. That wasn't really that fun. 

I was dizzy, had "brain zaps", and couldn't sleep that well. 

Every now and then I would have brief moments of anxiety and freak out for a minute. 

I was able to get it under control. Now my body is getting more used to being without the drug 

so the withdrawls are not as bad as before. I still get dizzy at times and sleeping through the night has still been difficult. My mind is constantly going and going. I've been trying to do what I can to redirect my mind onto other things.

The thing that is most shocking my system is raw emotion. I didn't remember what that feels like and I am having a hard time keeping it under control. 

I'll cry at the drop of a hat. One day a I woke up crying, cried at noon, and cried again when I went to bed. 

so...... I have done a lot of crying. This is what I was like just prior to going on the medication. That scares me a little bit, but I have been taught techniques to stop by irrational thinking so I know that I can handle this. 

One tool that I have now that I didn't have before was my husband.

I have never met someone so patient and loving.
When I have my anxious moments he just holds me, listens to me, and tells me it is going to be ok.

He helps me to realize what I need to do to help myself overcome this anxiety 

and how to be a better person.

He is such a fabulous example to me of happiness and forgiveness. He is able to let go and move on when handed a difficult situation. He thinks rationally and helps me to see other sides of the story. 

I am so grateful to have him in my life. He teaches me something new everyday. 

He encourages me to be better and works with me on my goals. 

He constantly reminds me that the gospel is in my life and the Heavenly Father is there to guide me and help me through whatever I am going through. Whenever I say, "I just don't know what to do anymore", J always says, "Well you could pray about it." And I know that I can but sometimes I forget and J always brings me back down. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Long story short... I've been off my meds for 16 days. 

Yes it is hard, but I am doing well considering that I haven't feel like this in 4 and 1/2 years.

I have learned so much in this process and I will continue to learn as it carries throughout my life.

I am so thankful I have the Lord on my side. He is always there to give me the push that I need.

I couldn't do this without him. Or J for that matter.