It wasn't as big or as panicky you could say as others.
My whole life I have struggled with keeping things to myself
(like stories or "secrets"). I come from a very open lifestyle
and I have no problem sharing things about myself. And because
I don't mind sharing anything I don't comprehend that others don't
like to share their business as well.
Since coming to college I have realized that I can't share other
people's business. Mainly out of respect for those who have
entrusted their personal information to me. It is not my business
to tell.
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a girl to do
I guess she better find one soon
Yesterday I was told something and was asked to keep it secret.
In a later conversation I let it slip. I felt horrible. I started freaking
out. My mind was racing a million miles an hour. I didn't know what
to do. I called my mom and she was able to talk me through it. I decided
that I was going to go and talk to the person who's secret I let slip.
This person is very private and I knew they wouldn't like it at all when I told
them what I had to say. But I told them and they were very understanding.
I was so surprised. We were able to reconcile our differences.
Now in order to "conquer my tongue" as my mom called it last night
I have taken her idea of a secret journal. And not in the sense that I hide
it from everyone and keep it a secret, but it is a place that I can write down
all the things that I am told that I should keep to myself. But instead of a journal
I am using a box. And surprisingly enough I already have some "secrets" in it.
So I am excited to see how this progresses.
Not going to lie I almost gave up last night. I almost quit and just went home and
gave up on everything here. I have felt so hopeless. And I am not saying this for
pity or for concern. I am just being honest. I feel like I am in a hole that I can't get
out of. I am trying and trying and nothing is working.
But I will not be defeated by these feelings of no self-worth. I know I matter and I
know I have a mission on this earth. And all of these trials and things I am going through
right now are preparing me for something in my future. Or maybe they are just for learning
experiences. Either way I have to win. And I will win.
I have a great support system and have been blessed with the most amazing roommates.
Not to mention the most fantastic mother in the whole world. I love her so much. She
is the one who is able to talk me out of my panic attacks the best. I have been leaning
on her a lot and she has never let me down. I am so lucky. I am so blessed, and I need
to remember that when I am having a rough day. I am surrounded by people who love me.
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